Sunday, February 26, 2012

Feed yourself

To move on call one of your best friends who has been dealing with you for ages now because you know that although they stood by your choices, they always made it clear that deep down they thought "fuck that guy"; and now they can agree with you out loud: it would be best if you just get over it.
To move on, cook yourself a nice steak and feel better. Caramelize some onions, don't turn on the fan because onions cooking in butter smells amazing. Two minutes later turn on both fans, open the door, don't feel bad when you burn them. 
Let go of making excuses for him.
It's okay to be angry.

It's not that okay, but let your mostly-self-guided Buddhist upbringing make up some logic to support having the feelings you want to indulge in. You shouldn't be angry; you should let go of negative thoughts and accept- but you've been accepting for months and it's only made you sad and bitter and angry in a different way, and if you can say FUCK THAT GUY and be mad and cut him out, you will have let go of all of it and finally moved on. It always hurts to lose someone but it's been hurting more keeping them around. So you will fill your head with bad advice and angry thoughts and only remember the worst parts of him, therefore you can dismiss him, then you can clear your mind. Right?


You've gotten good at steak how you want it and fuck what anyone else is going to say about it. Make the onions, the steak, warm the butternut squash puree you made yesterday, make a red wine jus, feel fancy, all in the same pan, dump it all in the same plate so it looks like crap, eat the FUCK out of that plate of food that YOU made all from scratch.

Except the sour cream from the Mexican grocery store. You can't do everything by yourself and that shit is awesome.

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