Monday, June 25, 2012

I'm awful to myself.

Is this what they mean when they tell me, "Take care!"

Not just ta-ta.

but to take care of yourself. Always move forward. Keep close the friends you have and with every interaction work on being empathetic. Surround yourself with the people who matter- the ones you're important to. Practice radical self-love. When you need help, get it. Remind yourself that you are loved. Assure that you are lovable.

I realize every hard lesson I learned has made me into who I am.

I hate who I have become.

So, so much in my life has gotten better since I have moved and I'm so very grateful I could do this.
But this isn't where I thought I'd be. This isn't the life I wanted to have or the house I wanted to come back to at night. This isn't home. I have a dream and all it consists of is moving again.
Am I still running?

I made a note to myself to stop hiding. However, I have continued to lay myself much to bare and open, and have become weak. Where is my shield? Where is my backbone? Why can't I get out of my past?

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